haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
