Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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