Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
