she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize