Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
