my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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