She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
