We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
