what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
