THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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