I think im going to throw up on grandma
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
