If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
