youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
