i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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