I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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