When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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