So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
