I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize