Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can I color on your dick again?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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