I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
