look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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