There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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