So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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