Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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