Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
