My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize