Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

Fav 3 1399 2227
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(516): View more from New York

i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes

Fav 24 1106 5932
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

Fav 69 1591 9391
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

6 min

Fav 64 11222 2358
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.

Fav 20 1929 5173
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.

Fav 5 2464 827
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(650): View more from California

I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there

Fav 5 966 587
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.

Fav 3 30 56
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(727): View more from Florida

Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.

Fav 0 13 48
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