Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
