I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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