its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
