so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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