Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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