tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
