His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize