Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
