You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
