i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
