My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
