That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
