he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
