The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
