you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
