Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
