My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
