I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
