he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
