I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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