i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
