No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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