Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize