Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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