My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
