Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
