Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
