I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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