Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize