ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
