I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize