I'm jealous of your bromance
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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