next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
