I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
