No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
