I feel like abortions should bother me more
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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