my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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