The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
