It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
