whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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