did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
