im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
