I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She told me I should be a condom model.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
