And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
