That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
