You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
