She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
