Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
