Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
