Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
