It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
