im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you inspire me to be a worse person
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
