God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
