Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize