I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
