So drunk its hurt
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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