Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
