At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
