can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
