My nipple is on Facebook.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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