how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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