No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
