Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
