Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
