I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
