this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize