I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I want to be your penis for a week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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