when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
