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Fuck
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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