Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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