I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
